Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
