I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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