Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
