I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
