Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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