I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
