I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
The air taste purple.
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