I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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