Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
