I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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