You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
