Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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