I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
