In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
