at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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