yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
