Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
