After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
