you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
