Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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