Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
