i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
