is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
