All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
