Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How does one acquire holy water?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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