wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He shit in the fireplace
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
