You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
