We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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