no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
