mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
