Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
