just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
