Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
