Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
