weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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