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She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I'm really busy with my period
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