hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
