I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
