you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
