I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
