just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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