he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
