Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
