it's too hot outside to masturbate.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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