i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
