apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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