i barfeds in our rink
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
