two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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