My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
