We're like a lot better than the average bears
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
