i wish my penis had a tongue
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
