Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
