Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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