You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
