He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
